Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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