This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
