i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
