who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
