One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
