i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
