I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
