tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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