i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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