Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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