all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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