I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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