i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
