This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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