3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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