Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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