We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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