Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
