I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
