so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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