Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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