I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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