Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well you can't waste a boner
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
