what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
