I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
