and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just puked most of my soul out..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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