evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
