I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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