I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
