Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
