The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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