There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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