the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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