At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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