Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
