i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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