girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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