I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
