if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
