remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
