I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
