why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
