The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
