i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
