I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
