Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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