I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
