Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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