my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
