I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
