I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
