Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
