you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
