she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
