I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
