he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
