Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
