is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
