I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
