ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
