Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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