Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
