Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm too high and old for this...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
