There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
